The things she says

Sneaking out of her room, delaying bedtime one last time, I see her out of the corner of my eye. At this point I'm trying not to talk to her and just ignore her:

E: Mom...
E: Mom...
E: Mom...I have something for you.
(still ignoring her but now really curious as to what she has...flashbacks of the toast in butt, you know?)
E: Do you like spicy things?
E: Here, here are some spicy things for you.
(she runs over, pours imaginary spicy things in my hand and runs back to bed.)
(wtf?)

Seeing Andy is his spandex under armour before getting ready to snow blow:

E: Dad, are you wearing mom's pants?
A: No, these are my pants.
E: No, actually those are mom's pants. You need to get your own pants. You need to wear jeans.

When I threw my back out, Andy and Emmie went to the grocery store. She always buys me a treat (licorice). Andy suggested they buy me flowers, she said no.

Me: What? You didn't want to buy me flowers?
E: Well. Mom. Actually do you eat the flowers?

As I'm getting ready in the bathroom:

E: Mom, I spilled! But it's okay, I put a pillow over it.
Me: What did you spill?
E: Gatorade.
Me: Where?
E: Your bed.

And she's kind of a pathological liar. Always saying that daddy said this, mommy said that. Or when she comes prancing into the room with gobs and gobs of white powder in her hair and I ask if she used my hair product: "No." She also said she didn't use my mascara: