completely.defeated.

It’s actually taken me this long to post this story for a reason. Because, I’m still LIVID.


Friday, I was completely defeated.

Down and out.

He won the battle and he won the war.

I had almost lost my will to live.

After being a dream dog on Thursday, I should have known what was in store for me Friday night. I went to dinner with my parents, locked Tuck in his other kennel and was gone maybe two hours.

I came home and again f*cking Houdini met me at the door. He wasn’t panting and happy. He looked at me like, I’m so sorry…I couldn’t help it. He led me up the stairs…to find this:

Kleenex, shredded boxes, shoes, and bra.

More kleenex boxes, kleenex, sock and undies. Awesome.

Thankfully the furniture, shoes and clothes were all intact (otherwise there would have been an ad on Craig’s List or a stray dog walking the streets with no collar).

Tucker attacked my Target bag of Kleenex (white) and shredded both boxes. As I cleaned, I noticed a different shredded white bag and it finally dawned on me, the french toast Boppa’s bagel I bought for breakfast. Damnit! I swear to God I feed him.

Tucker immediately laid down, head between paws and I didn’t speak to him until Sunday. He didn’t seem to care…but it made me feel better.

Tuck 3, Me 0

So we all know the besides missing the hubby this week, my least favorite part about his absence is being a single mom to Tucker. He’s just such a rascal and if the shock collar isn’t on, he knows he could get away with murder – because mom can’t wrestle his 90lb ass to the ground and give him the beat down he deserves.
It started with the muffin and I'm still holding a grudge.

Wednesday, I knew this dog needed some exercise so I got home from work and made some pre-walk toast. Butter, cinnamon and sugar. Yum. I went to the bedroom to get changed into walking clothes and within seconds I heard clanking on the counter. I returned to the kitchen to see a half eaten stick of butter and the happiest dog ever. Again, what a dick.

We went on a walk, I figured he had to get some energy out his system. Then I had to stop over to Dave and Kristy’s for a minute, so in the kennel Tucker went. I wasn’t going to risk it. I did however figure out how to bungee his kennel with just one cord, I was a genius.

I came home to find MacGyver out of his kennel and his small bungee chewed to shreds. Seriously, he is the Houdini of kennel escape and why is my dog smarter than I?

And now it’s Tucker 3, me 0. And really it should be Tucker 3, me -1 because you know that rubber bungee is coming out one way or another. FML.

Randomness

I made myself muffins for breakfast on Saturday morning. While Andy is out of town I plan on cooking in bulk and eating leftovers until he comes home – I hate cooking for myself. I took the muffins out to cool and set them on the stove. I then foolishly stepped onto the deck for 1.8 seconds and returned to Tucker gulping down an entire muffin and wrapper. What a dick. Those were mine.

I somehow bought myself pink Kleenex this weekend. Not a fun pink box, actual pink Kleenex. I might as well buy some furry mauve rugs and a plush toilet seat cover for the bathroom while I’m at it…and start calling pants slacks just for good measure.


I also made myself some Mac-n-Cheese for lunch on Sunday. Apparently when my husband is out of town I also revert back to my college menu. I haven’t had Mac-n-Cheese in at least a year and it was as amazing as I remembered it to be. I had to stop myself from eating the entire box. And I’m glad I did, because I had the worst stomach ache just from half the box. Which leads me back to a question I always have: after eating nothing but coconuts and fish for weeks on end, how do the contestants on Survivor survive their “winning” meal of Outback steak, shrimp, salad and wine? I mean honestly…their bodies have got to be doing some massive rejecting of all that food.

I think Fleet Farm could top Wal-Mart or at least give them a run for their money on quality clientele. I had to buy Tucker a couple bones this weekend while Andy was out of town. Bones are the Dora of dogs…just pop one in and he’s entertained for hours, I’m an amazing mother. I was completely freaked out by the people I saw while making a mad dash for bones…fyi Fleet Farm has really cheap dog stuff…and a terribly deceiving Kleenex selection.

Yeah, that's right, I'll admit it.

What's a blog good for if not to embarrass the author? Perhaps a time to let new friends in on a secret past or remind old friends about the oddities of Kelsey. Pictures from elementary school? I don't think so. The story of when I changed my name to Sasha in 5th grade - nope not that either.

If you didn't know, I’ve had a few moms in my day. Why, I’m not exactly sure. Vicki has held on the longest though and she was never jealous of my other mothers.


Mom #1.

Crystal Gayle. I was too young to remember this mom crush, but I’m thinking at age 5 – in the eighties – who wouldn’t have a mad crush on this floor length hair? Just looking at it now makes me gag a little.






Mom #2.

Reba McEntire. This one I remember and spanned pretty much through junior high and into high school. Yes, I was in her fan club. I wasn't obsessed. It’s a little embarrassing now, but I was proud back in the day. Yes, her country twang was a bit much at times – but – who doesn’t love Reba?! Again with the big hair, do you think my volume obsession began that young?

Mom #3.

Deidre Hall. She played Marlena Evans on Days of Our Lives. Now, this mom crush lasted from high school into college. I’m not sure what I liked about her, but I know it wasn’t her husband John Black (his chest hair or evil eye brow) or her brief possession by the devil. And unfortunately this crush had to end when I got a real job and couldn’t watch soaps all day. But I know for a fact there is still a VHS of one of John and Marlena's weddings somewhere in my house.

Yep, that's my life. Weird huh?

4 oh 9, 2010

Yesterday was Andy's 30th birthday! (Old balls, I know.)

Andy thought we were having a few people over - but little did he know I had a bigger party planned.  As the "regular" Fargo crew arrived, we chatted, had some cocktails and I paced around the house waiting for others to arrive!  And then other friends started to trickle in.  Friends that said they were busy this weekend, friends that journeyed in from Minneapolis and Devils Lake.

Andy was super surprised and grinning ear to ear.

Then we went outside and I showed Andy there was a party bus waiting in front of our house. To which he replied, "hmm a party bus, wonder whose that is?" Um, it's YOURS dear.  I didn't realize how gullible my hubby was!

Needless to say it was a very fun filled night.

I thought being in an older age bracket would mean the bus would be pretty tame. Like, take us to a few respectable bars, have some drinks on the way, deliver us home at a respectable hour.

Well, I was very wrong.  We had a friend that passed out before the 2nd bar (10:30pm), we had a friend throw up IN the 2nd bar (11pm), we had a friend pass out on the way to the 3rd bar, and they just kept dropping like flies!  What amateurs!

Oh to act like you're 21 again!  And the second best part to any great night out; the texts, phone calls and drop bys to reminisce on the evening...and looking back on the camera to see what all went down.

Trying to round up 27 people to get on a bus, not easy.

 

One of the 17 times the song Shots Shots Shots was played on the bus...

and each time, better than the one before.

Hill, Toddy and Uncle Larson

Trisha, Kristi, Laura, Betsy and Kristin at the 3 Lyons Pub

Classic phone booth photo op.

Alicia, Erin and Kristin

The Natwicks enjoying a little HoDo time.

And the Fellows.

(Fun Andy calming down just enough to take a photo.)

Dah da dah daaaah

The RUG is here! And in place and loving its new home just like I knew it would!

Sad colorless crappy old beige rug.

Happy colorful lively new rug!

Same happy rug, different angle.

Baby rug so happy to finally have mama rug nearby!

To the cities!

Friday morning we dropped Tuck off at the kennel and headed off to the cities!

As we settled in for the drive, we decided to play our favorite new car game: Andy plays DJ with 2000+ songs on his Zune and tries to find ONE that I like. Clearly Andy and I have very different taste in music. I like something I can shake my ass to; Andy likes something with a great guitar solo. While Andy can tolerate what he refers to as my “shitastic” tunes, listening to his music makes my ears bleed.

We found one winner, I Need a Dollar by Aloe Blacc.


We hit up the Outlet Mall, Arbor Lakes and had some dinner. We of course wanted to go to PF Changs for dinner…but there was a 3 hour wait…um, I don’t think so Chang. We also ran into Liz and the fam just getting back from their Mexico vaca, also bummed by the Chang wait.

Saturday was more shopping, and being Easter weekend, we were not the only ones. Every store I went to there was a line for the dressing room or a line to check out. Um, not something I’m accustomed to while frequenting West Acres.

Saturday night it was time for Chelsea! Our seats were pretty great and the show was even better. Josh Wolf, her opening act was hilarious. And Chelsea was of course pure entertainment. Our seating was only a bit awkward due to the two lesbians next to me. One of whom was obviously dragged to the show against her will and did not laugh throughout the entire show. And on Andy’s side, was one of the only black people in the audience. So…do you laugh when Chelsea is making fun of lesbians and black people?

What…a predicament!