Is it weird to want to eat my baby?

Yeah that sounded better in my head and now that I typed it it just sounds creepy.

But seriously, I could just eat.her.up.

Her cheeks, her belly, her chubby little thighs with creases, and her toes. Look at these toes! (Sporting her new sandals that she will wear this summer...if the snow ever melts that is.)

Stick straight little toes, just the right amount of pudge and cuteness...and look at the middle one. It's like there isn't enough room for all five digits and this poor middle guy is just squeezed in there with no room to breathe. Love it!

It's about to get a little political up in here.

Now, I don't care if you're pro-life or pro-choice that's totally your decision. But I do hope you're pro-Emmie having a little brother or sister some day.

Currently, House Bill 1450 is being considered by ND lawmakers. This bill is aimed at making abortion illegal in the state of North Dakota, well in addition, the bill would make In-Vitro Fertilization illegal too.

I know.

Are you kidding me?!

I understand the politics behind the pro-choice/pro-life debate, however this is a completely different scenario. (You can google the HB 1450 to get more information on the "personhood" verbiage with regards to embryos etc.)

The passing of this bill would prohibit hundreds of couples from having a child...to GIVE LIFE! And if the clinic were unable to perform IVF procedures, a big money maker, I can only assume they would have to close their doors to other fertility treatments as well.

So my friends, clearly this topic is near and dear to my heart and if you would like to write a letter or email your ND representative, here is a link.

And here is an article that is pretty easy to read regarding the topic.

Obviously I'm not trying to start any political banter here, because I'd honestly rather talk about The Real Housewives, Bethenny, my new fave website 6pm.com or my latest find at Gap Kids...but I needed to pass on the information because I wasn't aware until someone informed me. So, knowledge really is power people.

30x2

And I finally get a 30th birthday post of my own! Well, not quite yet. I turn the big 3-0oooh next Friday, but celebrated last night. With Alicia's birthday exactly one week before mine, the boys got together and planned us a little party...and it sure was a good time!

The party was at Stokers in the basement of the Hodo...I'd never been and was super impressed with the space. Perfect location for the gathering...though there was no tv...and with the Sioux in a playoff game or something the boys were left to checking their phones constantly, until someone discovered a tv in the exercise room next door and then we lost the men for a short while.

Friends, thanks so much for celebrating with us and Alicia, thanks for sharing your birthday! We had great food, good cupcakes, plenty of drinks and tons of fun.  Here is the proof:

Have we changed at all from high school?!

(If you need an easy and inexpensive photo holder, just use the tin part of a tea light, cut on two sides and fold!)

Shots. The birthday gift that keeps on giving....but then you want to return in the morning.

New favorite photo! I love my friends!!

~Party planner Matt and the birthday girl~

Thanks for a great party hubs!

(Oh and Emmie, she had her first sleepover at Grandma and Grandpa's!)

Oh what a difference a year makes!

One year ago I was writing this post and today I am looking at this miracle.

While I reminisce on the past twelve months I can't help but think about how surreal it feels being here. 
Surreal: marked by the intense irrational reality of a dream; unbelievable, fantastic.

It feels like Emmie has been in our lives forever, in a good-most fantastic way.  I know I had always told myself IVF would be just a distant memory with time, but I wasn't sure I believed what I was saying.
But it truly feels like IVF was a lifetime ago.  I think back and the details are already fuzzy though I never thought I would forget a moment. The needles and appointments and ultrasounds have been replaced by giggles and coos and cheeks that I could just eat up. 

I want to constantly cuddle and love her up and I have to hold myself back from squeezing too hard. From time to time I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror with Emmie in my arms and I stop for a moment. I still can't believe she is actually here and that I have a daughter and I get to love her forever. I feel so lucky.

I bought this bib years ago to send out positive thoughts to the Universe. I looked at it daily, sometimes tucked it under my pillow (like the tooth fairy might one day replace it with a baby or something?) and held it while I wished and hoped and prayed.

To say she was worth the wait is the understatement of a lifetime.

A-okay!

Yeah. You read it right. I'm okay!

I'm kinda surprised myself.

It has been surreal being back at work, like everything has changed but nothing is different, but not in a bad way.  With tons of emails to sift through, racing home over lunch, pumping a couple times a day and reconnecting with coworkers, it's 5 o'clock before I know it.

I'm sure the novelty will wear off soon.

But it is so fun to come home and entertain the babe after work.  I'm full of energy even if I'm dog tired and we play our hearts out until bedtime...which has amazingly moved up to 8pm (and yes, she sleeps until 6:30 or 7am - so thankful for this amazing sleeper!). 

And Daddy Daycare is going well too - I came home to dinner in the oven today, which is more than I ever got accomplished.

I do miss the little miss like crazy and light up like the fourth of July when someone asks to see pictures and probably tell too many stories like a cliche new mom and think about what they're doing at home all day, but the transition back to the real working world has gone better than expected.

No tears!

Until I read the note that came with the flowers:

Hey Mom,

Thanks for a great three months. Can't wait to see you when you get home.

Love, Emmie

lady in waiting

Work.

It's looming on the horizon.

And I'm trying to get prepared...hence the numerous blog posts and facebook uploads this weekend.

I think I'm in denial.

Everything is in order: my suits and dress pants are back in the closet, new outfits are lined up and ironed for the week, nails and toenails are painted for the first time this winter, Emmie photos for my office are tucked in my purse, and my purse essentials have been moved out of the diaper bag and back to the purse.

I'm ready. Now I'm just waiting. You know how when you're kinda dreading something the day just moves like molasses? Ugh. I'm at the point where I just want it to get here already...it's going to happen so let's just get on with it already.

I think I'll be alright.  Besides the whole missing my child like I'm missing right arm thing, the saddest part is that there is NOTHING to look forward to from here on out. No three month hiatus from stress and work responsibility. Just weekends and an occassional vacation and retirement. Yes, there are fun things to look forward to: coming home to the wee one, The Bachelor Finale, lunch dates with friends, perhaps a 30th birthday party this weekend...but nothing HUGE like three months off!

Can you get post-maternity leave depression?

The good thing is that it's about to be spring, I literally hibernated through the entire winter and I'm coming out of hiding to above 30s weather.

And my goal for the morning is to hit Starbucks for the first time in months on the way to work....while listening to a new CD I burned, yes I burn CDs, I'm vintage like that. And number one on the list...Dolly Parton's 9 to 5. If that doesn't get you ready to face the day, nothing will!

Okay, enough rambling...I'm going to have to Nyquil myself to sleep tonight.

Stimulate your senses.

According to one of the many virtual doctors I read, it's time to nuture baby's sense of touch. They recommended letting baby touch fake fur to stimulate her senses...um who needs fake fur when we've got the real deal?!

Riding the dog like a horse is not frowned upon in this establishment, it's encouraged.

My what big ears you have!

Friends forever.

Sorry Tuck, get used to it, sucker.

Emmie: Charlie Sheen style.

better at home

You know how some things are just okay to do when you're at home...like wiping baby drool with your sleeve or smelling baby butts like it's no big thing or opening things with your teeth?

Then you go out in public and have to modify your behaviors to pretend like you don't act like a caveman?

It was a family trip to the mall today.  We hit the Gap and apparently Emmie was not interested in the fine apparel surrounding her...I get it, probably not enough color to stimulate the infant mind, but mom likes her neutrals to range from white to offwhite to beige and Gap satisfies the need.  Anyways...she started to fuss. So I pulled her out...remembered we were in public and had Andy do a discreet butt sniff behind the racks. 

Excellent, we can parent like adults outside the confines of our house!

Fast forward to me at the eye clinic. Contacts out, chatting with the doctor, I'm still blind, yadda yadda. Doctor leaves, I go to put my contacts in...grab the saline that is just like mine at home and OPEN IT WITH MY TEETH.  As the bottle left my mouth I realized what I had just done and did a mini gag. Good gawd...did I seriously just put a community saline bottle top in my mouth...yep, sure did.  Thankfully there was no one in the room when I cavemanned the bottle top, but I still...eww!!

Stay classy San Diego.

day one, done.

Well I survived my first quasi day back in the working world. 

It's technically not really work at all when I sit through meetings with my friends peers gossipping about the past three months discussing new banking regulations. 

Notsomuch perks of the day:
Leaving Emmie knowing that when I got home for the day she would probably be so big I wouldn't recognize her.
Having to be somewhere at a specific time.
Pumping...in the parking lot...
Having a terrible headache either from too much social interaction or having to wear my contacts for more than an hour.
Realizing I'm so that new mom that could hardly wait three seconds before pulling out photos of Emmie.
Knowing in a few days I will have to do this EVERY day.

Perks of the day:
Finally stepping on the scale I've avoided for so long only to realize I hit prepreggo weight!
Actually pulling myself together with makeup and hair and accessories and an outfit that needed to be ironed.
Socializing with people my age.
Hearing how cute Emmie is when showing off her photos.
Having lunch and snacks made for me and cans of coke on ice just feet away.
Coming home to baby and dad so happy after a great day together...of course she would pull off a three hour afternoon nap for him, why wouldn't she?!

needy.

Tuck has been pretty cool about the whole baby stealing his thunder thing, but he gets a little needy from time to time. Like he needs to eat her pacifier, he needs to lick her head, he needs to stuff as many of her socks as he can fit in his mouth kind of thing. And sometimes he just needs attention. I told Tucker go sit down and this is where he ended up.

We watched Baby Einstein for the first time today and Tucker was just as enthralled as Emmie. Sometimes I wish I had the camera strapped to me at all times because the image of both of them staring at the tv without blinking for minutes on end would be pretty priceless.

3 months!

So happy!

And silly.

And huge!