Sunday

(Oh by the way, I stopped crying if you were wondering)

We had a fun day of playing and napping and more playing. What else are Sundays for? We all stayed in our jams and didn't get much accomplished, perfect!

We put together the big bouncy activity chair. The upstairs is slowly being consumed by all things baby. I guess it was bound to happen.  And all of those baby items are right at Tucker level...exciting for him, not so great for the kid. I'm pretty sure Emmie's first word will be TUCKERNO! And I just need to get over the fact that they're going to probably lick the same toys for the next few years. Poor kid.

And who doesn't love a sleeping baby? I know I do. It's amazing what can be done in even an hour long nap - provided you use that nap to actually do things and not get sucked into the time warp that is the internet. 

And you know how they say there are no dumb questions? Well, Andy proved that phrase wrong this afternoon by saying "she's been sleeping for a while now, do you think we should wake her up?" Seriously. Seriously?! I'm pretty sure my answer had extensive profanity and ended in "if you touch her I'll stab you."

tears.

I don't know what started it...but it could've been this post in the back of my mind. Thanks Mandie.

I ran to Wal-Mart tonight, sad that my first outing this week was to WallyWorld.  Blech. I came home immediately washed my hands to find a cranky baby.

But once said crankster hit my arms, she was content.  We danced our bedtime dance while listening to her lullaby seahorse under the glow of her dimly lit chandelier. Me and my baby. And then the tears started. Mine, not hers. I held her tightly and kept hitting the seahorse so the lullabies would continue because I wasn't ready to put her down. 

And now, I'm still crying.

While I know returning to work will be a good thing, I am going to be so so sad to let her go. 

And all of that hit me this evening. 

It was about a year ago when our 'baby in a box' arrived and now I have this amazing baby girl in my arms. I honestly try not to think about it too often because I immediately turn into a mess. She has slipped into our lives just perfectly and it feels like she has been here forever. I am so thankful, so lucky, so...everything I only dreamt about. 

And so I will take these last couple weeks to hold my baby girl close every chance I get, before our time together is only the after work hours. And I will take comfort knowing that the time Andy and Emmie are about to have together will be so special. And I will buy extra batteries for the seahorse and not care about ruining her bedtime routine by selfishly holding her too long.

Bipolar!

Warning. This post is all about breastfeeding...I know. It's ridiculous. But this is my new life, so deal. I also just need to say it/type it and get it off my chest - no pun intended. So anyone that is breastfeeding, has breastfed, has thought about it and politely declined, or may breastfeed in the future: read on.


The choice to breastfeed is a big one. I do use the word "choice" rather than decision because it really is your choice. Now we all know that breast milk is best, blah blah, but it's a serious commitment!

I had no "plans" for breastfeeding. I didn't want to put any pressure on myself for reaching any goals. What if my milk didn't come in? What if she didn't eat well? What if it just sucked so bad I wanted to quit? Well, none of those things happened much to my surprise! My milk came in, she ate well and it didn't suck.

Now nearing the end of my maternity leave, I'm boobie-bipolar.

I've been going back and forth for days, no probably weeks, on whether or not to move to formula. Once I started pumping instead of just breastfeeding, everything seemed to go downhill. So we made the decision to quit pumping and head to formulaville. It will be so much easier once I go back to work and I won't have to stress about pumping round the clock. I made Andy buy me cabbage leaves and Sudafed to slow the flow.

Fast forward to this evening when I'm sporting two rock hard softballs covered in cabbage leaves and can barely hold Emmie because they hurt so bad.

Why am I doing this I think to myself?! I'm literally going against all rules of nature. Not to get all granola on this topic, but I was made to feed my child and now I'm doing everything to stop it? And the guilt. Ugh the guilt. No longer providing my baby's super food out of convenience for myself? What's my problem?

And then the pumping began.

And the smiling returned.

And the guilt left.

And for a little while I'm content with my decision to continue. I mean seriously though, I can't guarantee there won't be an I'm done post tomorrow.

(If you have any advice on the topic I'd love to hear it.)

It's starting to get real up in here folks.

And by real I mean the real-I'm going to have to leave the house soon maternity leave is ending-world is knocking at my door, it's a quiet knock but I know it's out there.

I have two full day meetings on March 8th and 9th that I'll be heading in for and then going back for realz the following Monday.

I think I'm ready...or I'm telling myself that anyways. I think it's easier going back knowing the kiddo doesn't have to hit the daycare quite yet and instead will be at home with dad for another month. Again, thank you Microsoft for your awesome paternity leave.

We're in the midst of the no mama transition right now...jumping boobie ship and taking only bottles. The pump and I are likethis.  She's not a happy camper in the evening and I'm afraid I've tramautized her (yes, I got that word from the internet, where else?).  She's been revolting and has decided that she'll eat in her bouncy chair instead of wrapped up in your arms.  Good for the back, but hurts the heart a little!

Tonight also marks her first night in the crib.  She's outgrowing her bassinet and I will have to actually get ready in the morning, so off to her room like a big girl she goes.  (I'm typing this while watching the monitor like a hawk...it's a nifty video monitor that we also hooked up to the tv.)

And as if all that transitioning isn't enough, I also had to pack up all the newborn clothes that she never really fit into and the 0-3 month clothes too.  Sheesh, growing up is hard on a mama!

But along with the growing out of clothes and bassinets and boobies, we're getting a little munchkin that can hold her head up and smile when she's being entertained...and is so close to finding her thumb it's scary.

Celebri-baby!

Okay, so she's not quite Suri and doesn't wear baby stilletos or have a three thousand dollar wardrobe, yet... but Emmie has made her first magazine! 

We didn't love our photographer, but apparently he liked us.  On the Minds of Moms is a local magazine dedicated to moms.  In each issue there is a photo section that highlights local photographers and Emmie made the cut!

I'll be setting up a schedule for interviews and autographs shortly. :)

(Thanks aunt Alicia for first spotting the peanut!)

tuesday t's: taxes, tour & the new game

Taxes: We made a visit to the accountant today and were finally able to bring along our little tax deduction! Thank you Miss Emmie for that nice tax break, though the extra grand goes right to keeping your brothers and sisters frozen for another year. Dangit.

Tour: So we chose a daycare months ago. Daycare in Fargo is hard to come by and we were excited to get a spot in a daycare near Andy's work that was also the same place our niece was attending. But after my SIL pulled Olivia from the center after a mere week, we were a bit concerned.  We weren't in love with the center to begin with, but felt reassured knowing we had somewhere to bring Emmie.  After a few more stories about the center, I hit the streets again looking for a new daycare. Thankfully, I didn't have to look too far.  A new center opened just blocks from our house and had one infant opening left.  We toured the facility today and were so impressed.  From the fingerprint security system to enter the building to each unique age room along with a very personable owner, we knew this was where we wanted to be. So beginning in April we'll be shipping the kiddo off to Beginnings.

The New Game: So our wee one has started playing a fun new game in the evenings...you may have heard of it...light as a feather, stiff as a board.  Seriously. While you're holding her, she starts to geek out a little bit and then puts her arms down, locks her elbows, straightens her legs and locks her knees...light as a feather, stiff as a board. Do you know how awkward that is to hold on to?  Not sure if her tummy hurts or she's just pissed, but we're hoping this game is over soon.

Happy V-Day!

Like Diet Dr. Pepper and the Tooth Fairy

I do exist!

On our way to Alissa's bridal shower. (We usually don't wear this much pink.)

Andy still not so great getting my head in the photo.

And yes. I'm wearing my daughter's necklace, she told me I could.

Hump Day Randomness

So, Wednesday huh?

After blogging for a little over a year now, I tend to think in 'posts' throughout the day.  Compiling some witty comments about random events or making mental notes like, hey I should write about that or that would be funny in blog format. And then, time finally allows me to get to the computer, I hit up Blogger and....NOTHING.  All of those funny stories I've thought about this week...GONE...having totally escaped my memory.

So here is what I can come up with:

*The week started with vaccinations. Eek!  There were tears. And Emmie cried too.  The doctor also comfirmed she still doesn't have thrush.  And I confirmed that I would no longer try to diagnose my kid with random diseases. 

*Tuesday was a terrible day. I did some laundry and my bite plate got in the wash...and broke...into five pieces!  Now if you do not have a bite plate you won't understand how devastating this is...it's my lifeline to glorious sleep. I'm a clencher and my bite plate as totally sexy as it is to pop in while climbing into bed is the best thing ever. That will teach me to do laundry.

*I'm not sure why Ellen sometimes has a tape delay and sometimes doesn't. Like it's not hard enough for me to remember what day it is without her acting like it's Tuesday.

*The Today Show boasted red and nude as a spring color trend, um...maybe if you work at Target.

*Vicki was grandbabysitting the other afternoon and called me - sending me into to an instant panic-it must really be bad if grandma can't fix it-mode. And in a whispering voice she says "I dropped the remote...and then I stepped on it...and now the screen is blue and I don't know what to do." Now that's just funny.

*When the kiddo won't take a nap and I still want to get some things done, I MOBYfy her.  That is using the Moby Wrap to make her fall instantly to sleep - it's like her kryptonite.  Well, today's Mobyfication wasn't working as well as usual, so I had to step it up a notch. I hit the treadmill. After ten minutes she was out like a light and my shower was for not; imagine twelve pounds of steamy baby strapped to your chest.

Well that's what I could come up with between feedings. Someone is in a growth spurt of epic proportions and you'd think some serious naps would accompany those frequent feedings - but, you'd be wrong.

2 months!

Another post full of photos...easy for me and a crowd pleaser. Win.Win.

I'm so excited to be two months old!

when you're bored...

and you haven't left the house in days because it's freezing cold but now it's above zero and you want to free yourself of the casa...but your husband has the vehicle with the carseat base...and you have another base but you really don't want to figure out how to install it...and you could put the carseat in the car without the base, but that sounds like way too much work...and you could clean a little but that sounds less than appealing - you take pictures of your defenseless infant!

My mom is hilarious!

flower...soooo...heavy....can't.lift.head.

Oh, hello.

HAPPY THURSDAY!