Is it weird to want to eat my baby?

Yeah that sounded better in my head and now that I typed it it just sounds creepy.

But seriously, I could just eat.her.up.

Her cheeks, her belly, her chubby little thighs with creases, and her toes. Look at these toes! (Sporting her new sandals that she will wear this summer...if the snow ever melts that is.)

Stick straight little toes, just the right amount of pudge and cuteness...and look at the middle one. It's like there isn't enough room for all five digits and this poor middle guy is just squeezed in there with no room to breathe. Love it!

It's about to get a little political up in here.

Now, I don't care if you're pro-life or pro-choice that's totally your decision. But I do hope you're pro-Emmie having a little brother or sister some day.

Currently, House Bill 1450 is being considered by ND lawmakers. This bill is aimed at making abortion illegal in the state of North Dakota, well in addition, the bill would make In-Vitro Fertilization illegal too.

I know.

Are you kidding me?!

I understand the politics behind the pro-choice/pro-life debate, however this is a completely different scenario. (You can google the HB 1450 to get more information on the "personhood" verbiage with regards to embryos etc.)

The passing of this bill would prohibit hundreds of couples from having a child...to GIVE LIFE! And if the clinic were unable to perform IVF procedures, a big money maker, I can only assume they would have to close their doors to other fertility treatments as well.

So my friends, clearly this topic is near and dear to my heart and if you would like to write a letter or email your ND representative, here is a link.

And here is an article that is pretty easy to read regarding the topic.

Obviously I'm not trying to start any political banter here, because I'd honestly rather talk about The Real Housewives, Bethenny, my new fave website 6pm.com or my latest find at Gap Kids...but I needed to pass on the information because I wasn't aware until someone informed me. So, knowledge really is power people.

30x2

And I finally get a 30th birthday post of my own! Well, not quite yet. I turn the big 3-0oooh next Friday, but celebrated last night. With Alicia's birthday exactly one week before mine, the boys got together and planned us a little party...and it sure was a good time!

The party was at Stokers in the basement of the Hodo...I'd never been and was super impressed with the space. Perfect location for the gathering...though there was no tv...and with the Sioux in a playoff game or something the boys were left to checking their phones constantly, until someone discovered a tv in the exercise room next door and then we lost the men for a short while.

Friends, thanks so much for celebrating with us and Alicia, thanks for sharing your birthday! We had great food, good cupcakes, plenty of drinks and tons of fun.  Here is the proof:

Have we changed at all from high school?!

(If you need an easy and inexpensive photo holder, just use the tin part of a tea light, cut on two sides and fold!)

Shots. The birthday gift that keeps on giving....but then you want to return in the morning.

New favorite photo! I love my friends!!

~Party planner Matt and the birthday girl~

Thanks for a great party hubs!

(Oh and Emmie, she had her first sleepover at Grandma and Grandpa's!)

Oh what a difference a year makes!

One year ago I was writing this post and today I am looking at this miracle.

While I reminisce on the past twelve months I can't help but think about how surreal it feels being here. 
Surreal: marked by the intense irrational reality of a dream; unbelievable, fantastic.

It feels like Emmie has been in our lives forever, in a good-most fantastic way.  I know I had always told myself IVF would be just a distant memory with time, but I wasn't sure I believed what I was saying.
But it truly feels like IVF was a lifetime ago.  I think back and the details are already fuzzy though I never thought I would forget a moment. The needles and appointments and ultrasounds have been replaced by giggles and coos and cheeks that I could just eat up. 

I want to constantly cuddle and love her up and I have to hold myself back from squeezing too hard. From time to time I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror with Emmie in my arms and I stop for a moment. I still can't believe she is actually here and that I have a daughter and I get to love her forever. I feel so lucky.

I bought this bib years ago to send out positive thoughts to the Universe. I looked at it daily, sometimes tucked it under my pillow (like the tooth fairy might one day replace it with a baby or something?) and held it while I wished and hoped and prayed.

To say she was worth the wait is the understatement of a lifetime.

A-okay!

Yeah. You read it right. I'm okay!

I'm kinda surprised myself.

It has been surreal being back at work, like everything has changed but nothing is different, but not in a bad way.  With tons of emails to sift through, racing home over lunch, pumping a couple times a day and reconnecting with coworkers, it's 5 o'clock before I know it.

I'm sure the novelty will wear off soon.

But it is so fun to come home and entertain the babe after work.  I'm full of energy even if I'm dog tired and we play our hearts out until bedtime...which has amazingly moved up to 8pm (and yes, she sleeps until 6:30 or 7am - so thankful for this amazing sleeper!). 

And Daddy Daycare is going well too - I came home to dinner in the oven today, which is more than I ever got accomplished.

I do miss the little miss like crazy and light up like the fourth of July when someone asks to see pictures and probably tell too many stories like a cliche new mom and think about what they're doing at home all day, but the transition back to the real working world has gone better than expected.

No tears!

Until I read the note that came with the flowers:

Hey Mom,

Thanks for a great three months. Can't wait to see you when you get home.

Love, Emmie

lady in waiting

Work.

It's looming on the horizon.

And I'm trying to get prepared...hence the numerous blog posts and facebook uploads this weekend.

I think I'm in denial.

Everything is in order: my suits and dress pants are back in the closet, new outfits are lined up and ironed for the week, nails and toenails are painted for the first time this winter, Emmie photos for my office are tucked in my purse, and my purse essentials have been moved out of the diaper bag and back to the purse.

I'm ready. Now I'm just waiting. You know how when you're kinda dreading something the day just moves like molasses? Ugh. I'm at the point where I just want it to get here already...it's going to happen so let's just get on with it already.

I think I'll be alright.  Besides the whole missing my child like I'm missing right arm thing, the saddest part is that there is NOTHING to look forward to from here on out. No three month hiatus from stress and work responsibility. Just weekends and an occassional vacation and retirement. Yes, there are fun things to look forward to: coming home to the wee one, The Bachelor Finale, lunch dates with friends, perhaps a 30th birthday party this weekend...but nothing HUGE like three months off!

Can you get post-maternity leave depression?

The good thing is that it's about to be spring, I literally hibernated through the entire winter and I'm coming out of hiding to above 30s weather.

And my goal for the morning is to hit Starbucks for the first time in months on the way to work....while listening to a new CD I burned, yes I burn CDs, I'm vintage like that. And number one on the list...Dolly Parton's 9 to 5. If that doesn't get you ready to face the day, nothing will!

Okay, enough rambling...I'm going to have to Nyquil myself to sleep tonight.