and that was my night.

Let me set the stage for you:

Thursday night.
7:30pm.
Andy's golfing.
I'm washing bottles.
Emmie just fell asleep.
Tuck jumps to his feet because he sees something out the glass storm door.

And scene:

Tucker bounds down the stairs and does his huffing bark. I immediately follow (bottle and cleany thing in hand, leaving the sink still running) wondering if he's being a moron or if someone is actually at our door. I see a dude at the door and give him the don't ring the doorbell flailing arm gesture, he rings it anyways. So I open the door, pissed that I left it open in the first place. I don't even answer the door on Halloween let alone a random night during the week when I'm home alone with nothing but an ass sniffing smiling dog to defend me.

Tucker slips past me and ass sniffs said dude.  As I try to wrangle him, I dump the bottle full of sudsy formula all over myself as I'm straining to hear if this jackhole woke up the baby. Then, he calls me ma'am. Oh really pal, ma'am?! I wasn't even going to give you the time of day before, but now you're going to get the stink eye while you blah blah blah.  After a few minutes he finally read my body language loud and clear and said, well ma'am it doesn't really seem like you're interested in this. I agreed and bid the dude adieu.

I mean seriously, it's obvious the dude wasn't married. Had he been married he would have known from the first glance of me hauling ass down the stairs that this sale ain't gonna happen. He should have just pretended he was lost and asked for directions to the nearest road or asked where we got that great looking green stuff all over the yard, I would have said oh the grass, yeah we grew that ourselves, have a nice night.

And just to add a few more details to this story: I get back inside and hear silence, thankfully Emmie did not wake up. I head to the sink to turn off the water and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Oh.holy.hell. Sweatpants, super low cut house only v neck, bangs bobby pinned back, no eye makeup or any makeup for that matter...the dude should be thankful I was wearing a bra.